Cristela Alonzo
Born 1979 · Age 46
American stand-up comedian, actress, writer, and producer; creator and star of ABC sitcom Cristela; first Mexican American woman to create, produce, write, and star in her own US primetime comedy.
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Life & Career Timeline
Raised in San Juan, Texas
Grew up in San Juan, Texas; family spoke Spanish at home; learned English by watching TV.
Family squatted in an abandoned diner
For the first seven to eight years of her life the family squatted in an abandoned diner and experienced deep poverty while her mother worked double shifts.
Born in Hidalgo, Texas
Cristela Alonzo born in Hidalgo, Texas, youngest of four children to Mexican-born parents.
Spent childhood time with grandmother in Reynosa, Mexico
On mother's weekly day off, spent time with paternal grandmother across the border in Reynosa.
Started winning theater competitions
Entered and won theater competitions across South Texas while in high school; built early performing creds.
Graduated Pharr-San Juan-Alamo High School
Graduated high school in the Rio Grande Valley; had extensive drama/theater competition success.
Enrolled at Webster University (theater)
Left home at 18 to attend Webster University in St. Louis to study theater.
Dropped out of Webster University due to finances
Left Webster because she could not afford school; returned to Texas to help family.
Re-enrolled and left Webster again; became family caregiver
Re-enrolled briefly and ultimately dropped out when mother's health declined; moved in with sister in Dallas to care for mother and nieces/nephews.
Mother Natalia Gonzalez died
Her mother, who had worked double shifts and raised the family alone, died in 2002; this deeply impacted Alonzo.
Hired as office manager at Addison Improv; began stand-up
Got a job as office manager at Dallas's Addison Improv and began performing stand-up to process grief and write about family.
Moved to Los Angeles and got first TV writing break
Got first break in Los Angeles in 2006 when hired to write on a Comedy Central show (Mind of Mencia).
Touring on bus with Carlos Mencia
Spent about two years traveling on a bus with Carlos Mencia and other comics; later left the tour.
TV stand-up appearances (Live at Gotham)
Appeared on Live at Gotham and other early TV stand-up spots, building national exposure.
Long-term partner relationship began (Stephen Halasz)
Listed partner Stephen Halasz from 2008–present (personal milestone/relationship).
Father Adalberto Alonzo died (never met him)
Her father, whom she said she never met, died in 2009.
Semi-finalist on Last Comic Standing
Reached semi-finals on Last Comic Standing; increased visibility nationally.
Acting cameo on Sons of Anarchy
Appeared on FX's Sons of Anarchy (episode: 'Fruit for the Crows').
Segment on 'Legally Brown' (Comedy showcase)
Appeared in May 2011 on the comedy showcase Legally Brown, continuing rising profile.
Created semi-autobiographical pilot 'Cristela'
With producer Becky Clements and writing partner Kevin Hench, created and wrote a semi-autobiographical pilot for ABC based on her life.
Frequent late-night and talk-show appearances expanded
Appeared on Conan, Craig Ferguson, Gabriel Iglesias Presents Stand Up Revolution, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, and Live at Gotham, increasing mainstream profile.
Comedy Central The Half Hour aired
Recorded/delivered a 30-minute segment on Comedy Central's The Half Hour (aired June 7, 2013).
Historic milestone — first Mexican American woman to create/produce/write/star in US primetime comedy
With Cristela airing, Alonzo became the first Mexican American woman to create, produce, write, and star in her own American primetime comedy.
Named to '10 L.A. Comedy Acts to Watch' and '13 Funny Women to Watch'
Recognized by L.A. Weekly and Cosmopolitan (January 2014 lists) as a comic to watch.
PaleyFest preview appearance for 'Cristela'
Participated in PaleyFest preview events associated with Cristela (photo/documentation in coverage).
Shot pilot presentation for 'Cristela'
Shot a pilot presentation (using penalty money) on Feb 26, 2014; filmed on the Last Man Standing stage to save money.
ABC picked up 'Cristela' to series
ABC ordered Cristela to series for the 2014–15 TV season after strong pilot testing.
'Cristela' received full-season pickup (22 episodes)
After initial 13-episode order, ABC ordered nine additional episodes bringing season 1 to 22 episodes.
Offered role in Pixar project (development for Cars 3)
Pixar offered Alonzo a role (initially small) that later became the co-lead Cruz Ramirez in Cars 3 as the character expanded to include her stories.
'Cristela' concluded season 1; later cancelled
Series concluded May 7, 2015; ABC cancelled the show in May 2015.
Began political activism and voter mobilization post-2016 election
After the 2016 election, became more politically active (mentored by Dolores Huerta & Sonia Sanchez), focusing on immigration and healthcare.
Voice role in The Angry Birds Movie
Provided the voice of Shirley in The Angry Birds Movie (feature film credit 2016).
Voiced Cruz Ramirez in Cars 3 (Pixar)
Featured as the voice of Cruz Ramirez in Pixar's Cars 3; noted as one of the first Latinas to voice a lead in a Pixar film.
Released Netflix special 'Cristela Alonzo: Lower Classy'
Recorded and released a Netflix stand-up special, Lower Classy, increasing mainstream streaming exposure.
Hiatus from performing to write memoir and activism
After 2016–2017 events, Alonzo wrapped major acting obligations and took time away from performing to write and focus on activism and community work.
Published memoir 'Music to My Years: A Mixtape-Memoir of Growing Up and Standing Up'
Released memoir (Atria Books) combining personal stories and reflections linked to music.
Announced stand-up tour 'My Affordable Care Act'
Memoir release was accompanied by a stand-up tour called My Affordable Care Act (announced July 2019).
Diagnosed with diabetes
Revealed diagnosis of diabetes in interviews and performances (discussed in specials and profiles).
Received Key to the City of McAllen, Texas
Honored by her local community with the Key to the City (McAllen) in 2019.
Hosted/voiced 'Chicano Squad' podcast (launch)
In association with Vox Media Podcast Network, hosted the 11-episode Chicano Squad podcast (first aired Dec 2020) about a Latino homicide investigation squad in 1970s Houston.
First feature writing credit for 'Holiday in Santa Fe' (Lifetime)
Received first feature-length film writing credit on the Lifetime Christmas movie Holiday in Santa Fe (credit cited in profiles around 2021–2022).
Controversial tweet celebrating Rush Limbaugh's death
Posted and defended a tweet on Feb 17, 2021 that celebrated Rush Limbaugh's death; drew criticism.
Final episode of 'Chicano Squad' podcast recorded/aired
Podcast's final episode recorded/aired on March 16, 2021.
Announced as host of CW's revival 'Legends of the Hidden Temple'
Deadline reported Cristela would host The CW's reimagining of the 1990s game show (announcement July 14, 2021).
Returned to regular stand-up touring and performances
After hiatus, resumed touring and performing nationally; Middle Classy recorded following tour stops.
Featured guest appearance acknowledgements (Joaquin Castro intro)
In her 2022 special, Congressman Joaquin Castro introduced Alonzo on-stage/in-video, referring to her as 'my badass friend'.
Released Netflix special 'Cristela Alonzo: Middle Classy'
Released her second Netflix stand-up special, Middle Classy (widely reported June 2022).
Television/Game-show and guest roles continue
Appeared as host/judge/guest on shows including Legends of the Hidden Temple (2021–22), Is It Cake? (2023 episode as judge), and recurring voice roles.
Biographical profiles and continued career coverage
Biographies and profiles continue to chronicle her career; online bios estimate net worth ~USD 4M (various sources).
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